Old Biddies

On our travels we have come across a couple of incidents involving old woman acting a little bit mad. The two most memorable ones are as follows.

The first occured while waiting for a bus in Segovia, Spain. While we were in the bus station a group old women rambled in, clearly they were on tour or else shared the same piece of fashion genius to wear the same t-shirt on that day, I mean its annoying if one person has the same clothes as you its a fucking disaster if 20 people are wearing the same hideous lime green t-shirt as you. So they shuffled in with their bobble heads and out onto the bus, this was a public bus and not a specialised tour bus, clearly in Spain they have free travel for over 65's and they would much prefer to save save their money for chewy sweets\candies or a nice wooly cardigan.

On they piled, after a quick--I mean "granny quick" check they realised that Mary, Margaret and a few more were missing. Realising they were tight on time for the bus leaving on them (both the physical one and the metaphorical one of life) there was a bit of a rush on to find them. Bridey made a dash to the door to help Kathleen and Paula to the bus.

Another quick count, probably because they forgot since the last one, they realised that Mary and Margaret were still missing. Margaret god bless her, wandered in with a minute to spare looking a bit confused and lost but there was still no sign of Mary. One of the younger biddies at this point, who we are going to call Rosey, because calling her heavy on top is mean. Rosey anyway decided the only thing to do was a give an earful to the bus driver, who was just about to leave and demand that he wait for the last member of her entourage. Clearly a little scared of grannies since his childhood, probably from being beaten with salami sticks, the bus driver trundled off the bus. Pacing the station floor, he clearly had a "what-the-hell-almighty-are-they-at?" look on his face. After a quick chat with her, evidently being told off by her again, he lit a cigarette and wandered out of sight, presumably into the office.

Now any of ye who have been on a tour of any sorts, would clearly know that there is always one. Always one feckin eejit who forgets what time we're leaving, where we're leaving from, or how to get there. This is generally caused by shiny objects, alcohol or sheer stupidity. This however, was different. This was just due to the fact that she probably couldn't move faster than a tectonic plate. Seven minutes after the bus was scheduled to depart, in pops Mary, looking delicately refreshed, clearly after a nice stroll, with no idea that the rest are screaming bloody murder at her behind the glass doors. On she bundled, once again a roll call was made (because they forgot again). Finally, they were ready to go. Except they faced a new problem: the bus driver had gone missing. A source close to the matter said Rosey's direct quote was "where the fuck almighty has that bastard gone now?" upon which she toppled off the bus in a red red rage. Into the office she charged, almost in a swat-like manner and demanded why on earth he wasn't currently on board and leaving because they were now all present and accounted for.

note specifically from Chelsea --John presented a running commentary--no doubt completely accurate of the words exchanged between the biddies.

Second one will follow shortly